June 17, 2008

Random Musing: Of Human Bondage


When some people ask me my favorite movies, such classics as "Gone With the Wind" and "2001: A Space Odyssey" always slip past my lips. When they go for my favorite actress, it's always Bette Davis. And with that said, I always go further, adding that my favorites by her are her second Academy Award win, "Jezebel," and her 1934 breakout role in RKO's "Of Human Bondage," based on W. Somerset Maugham's 1915 book. The first time I saw the movie was a few years ago, and I have loved it ever since, especially for Davis, who was just stunning as selfish Mildred, a marvelous performance for her first leading role. Now imagine my surprise when I am searching for copies of the film on DVD one day on Amazon.com (some time ago) when I found the most shameless rant ever...
So before I go on, let me tell you what the movie is really about. In the film, Davis is devious Mildred (I can just hear Leslie Howard saying her name now...). She is a Cockney waitress who uses Phillip (the main character, played by Leslie Howard) until she almost ruins his life (not even in that overdramatic sense). The way she lets loose in several scenes ("You cad! You swine!") shows exactly how talented she would be as an actress over the course of the next several decades. Just the way she acts with her whole body---her face---those eyes. The way she speaks, the way she moves. Davis was magnificent.
But enough praising, it's time to get to why some people never cease to amaze me. When I was on Amazon.com, I ran across a review. Whereas you have now read my praise of the film (and not even in full detail!), this person took it to some level on another planet. Here's what I found:


4 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
Warning: Bait and Switch!!!, November 18, 2007
By "Interplanetary Funksmanship "Swift lippin'..." (Vanilla Suburbs, USA)

I spent my hard-earned money on this movie, and sat through an eternity of talky scenes, and Bette Davis acting all catty and cheap, just to get to the bondage scenes.

Well, THERE AREN'T ANY! NOT ONE BONDAGE SCENE AT ALL! I was waiting for the scene in which Bette Davis dons her dominatrix getup, and has Leslie Howard down on the floor at the tip of her whip, bound in a leather harness, with a gag in his mouth.

I'm here to tell you: YOU CAN SAVE YOUR MONEY, BECAUSE IT'S NOT IN THERE! Not even Bette Davis in a catsuit!

Spend it instead on "Buxom Bondage Club," which you can find in the DVD section here at amazon.

This movie is a RIPOFF!!!!!!!!

Someone sure missed the point. I can't even make this up. Sigh. "Of Human Bondage" is certainly not referring to anything sexual, so wise up, dude.

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